Surviving The Game As A Barbarian Novel - Chapter 580
Chapter 580: Opened Doors (1)
Just one.
Had there ever been a person who never committed a single wrongdoing in their life? Someone who was perfectly innocent?
Missha Karlstein believed that to be impossible. Even a great saint would make a mistake at least once in their lifetime. And if someone truly moved with good intentions, their actions could be twisted into the wrong effect by accident. They could also have caused another person pain. That was why this couldn’t be helped.
Even great people like them make mistakes, so a loser like me is no exception “I…” Missha quietly mumbled to herself. “What am I doing…?”
She had been doing this on loop for a few days now.
Perhaps it would have been better if she fought tooth and nail against monsters or something, but there was not much she could do when she spent her entire day stuck in her room. She wanted to not think and to live like a walking corpse, but not wanting to think didn’t mean she didn’t have to think.
And so, over the long days, she thought and thought. The thoughts were always different, and yet still, they were always so similar. She would resent someone before feeling disgusted at herself, and sometimes, she could even see her current state through clear-minded eyes. When those particular thoughts came and went, the resolution they left behind was the same.
“Let’s leave.”
Let’s leave Clan Anabada.
No, it wasn’t like she was an official member of the clan to begin with. That should make it easier for her to leave, so after this expedition was over, she would leave and return to the city. She would remove herself from Bjorn Yandel’s sphere and not appear before him ever again.
He…he probably wanted that as well.
That was the conclusion she reached after hundreds and hundreds of ruminations.
Again, then and there, she reached this proper conclusion, and it sent her curling inward as her hands grasped for her chest.
“Agh…”
It hurt. Beyond the suffocating breathlessness she felt, it just hurt. It hurt so much that she thought maybe it would hurt less if she got something sharp, closed her eyes, and stabbed it.
However, Missha couldn’t translate those thoughts into reality. It wasn’t because she lacked the drive. It was just that, she knew.
That’s not right…
He wouldn’t want such an ending. It would taint all the memories they shared with pitch-black hues, and it would make him suffer.
Dwalkie…
Without warning, the thought of him came to her. The noble wizard who gave his life to save everyone else in the labyrinth. Missha knew the feelings that the wizard had for her.
She didn’t know from the start. After leaving Dwalkie’s side and a long time had passed, the dwarf warrior Hikurod Murad had told her. That he had always had affection for her…
At first, she couldn’t believe it. If that was really the case, why did Dwalkie hide those emotions from her, hide them even as the last of his candlelight flickered out?
She couldn’t understand. If it was her, she would have used the final opportunity given to her to share her feelings.
However, after hearing her question, Hikurod answered that it was clear as daylight to him.
“It’s obvious what he thought. He probably didn’t want to leave as a dark shadow.”
A vague and uncertain answer. Yet despite that, she accepted it. That acceptance came because she thought that was what he would have wanted, of course, but even then, she couldn’t fully understand him. Not, at least, until today.
“So…it feels like this…”
In the strictest sense, she and Dwalkie were different. He had sacrificed his life to save everyone, and she was floundering in her own mistake, in her own failure, and was trying to figure out a way to escape. If she wasn’t in the labyrinth right now…
If she didn’t hold onto at least the small hope that maybe he would forgive her, she would’ve already run—
Knock, knock, knock.
At that moment, she heard a voice from beyond the door locked tight.
“It’s me, Missha. Let’s talk.”
It was Bjorn.
His visit sent both joy and fear swirling through her. However, she forced herself to calm down and did what she needed to do.
She couldn’t let him see her like this. She washed her hair and quickly washed her face. She then quickly cleaned up her messy room. Thankfully, she had spent her time in her room mostly doing nothing, so there was not much to clean.
“May I enter?”
When she opened the door to the man she hadn’t seen in too long, he walked through it. Inexplicably, her heart began to pound.
Ba-dump.
Why is Bjorn here? Is he just worried about me? I hope the room doesn’t smell…
While she had been withering away like a picked flower until just then, for some reason, life returned to her body when she saw him.
“I want to talk after turning this on first. May I?”
It would’ve been nice if he started off with some small talk, but Bjorn immediately brought up the main topic. In his large hand, he was holding an item she recognized immediately.
Misplaced Trust.
That name. She couldn’t quiet the feeling that the name of the item seemed to describe her relationship with him.
However, she also felt happy. This was an opportunity. He was giving her a chance after turning away so coldly that day. A golden opportunity to make things return to how they used to be, to turn back all the mistakes she had made…and maybe, Bjorn also wanted to return to how they were in the past.
“Then…you may. Let’s start.”
That was why Missha couldn’t let go of this opportunity. She had been in this situation for far too long.
Okay, she resolved to herself. With hands gripped into fists, she thought, I’ll answer honestly to whatever Bjorn asks.
Bjorn began to ask his questions.
“After you disappeared from Farune Island, how did you end up following Baekho Lee?”
Starting from the questions she answered before, many yes or no questions followed, and Missha answered truthfully to all of them.
Right now, Bjorn was like the clock repairman she had seen before. Like a clock repairman who pulled apart all the pieces of the clock to see what was wrong with it, Bjorn was asking even the smallest questions to figure out everything about her.
“Baekho Lee…did he do anything bad to you?”
“Anything bad…?”
“Like…maybe he put his hands on your body…”
“N-no! Nothing like that! I swear!”
There were questions she felt both saddened and joyful to hear, but they weren’t important.
“Did you really not know that the Stone of Revival makes the target lose all their memories?”
“I didn’t…”
“Then why did you hide it from me?”
“Like I told you back then…I thought something bad would happen to you if you knew about it…”
This was the part that had made Bjorn’s emotions flare up that day. That day, he became enraged as he asked her if she hid it from him because she trusted Baekho Lee.
The memory of it surfaced in her mind, and before Bjorn could say anything else, Missha quickly shouted to add, “I-I thought that there was nothing to lose!”
“…Nothing to lose?”
“I-I didn’t know back then that you would lose your memories… No, even if I did, I would’ve done the same…! It’s better than you dying…”
“That’s why you trusted what he said?”
“…Baekho Lee, he’s strong. And something about him is definitely broken inside.”
This was the true reason she accepted Baekho Lee’s offer. She didn’t know what he would do to her if she refused. Maybe that could lead to something bad happening as well. That was why she took the Stone of Revival and returned to Bjorn’s side. It was an item that could revive someone she loved. She concluded that there was nothing to lose by holding onto it.
However…
“Hah, so that’s all?”
There was one thing she hadn’t been able to say yet.
She didn’t know how to tell him. Everything might just crumble away if she said it out loud. Everything might, but Missha clenched her eyes shut and spoke.
“I-in exchange for receiving the Stone of Revival, I decided to give him information.”
“…Information?”
“He told me to stay by your side and observe you…” Missha opened one eye to check Bjorn’s expressions. For now, his emotions were closer to shock rather than rage. “D-don’t misunderstand! I haven’t given him any information yet. After leaving him that day, I haven’t met up with him since.”
“And if he comes looking for you? What were you going to do then?”
“…I don’t know. I wanted to just get out of that situation at that time and was going to think about it later.”
Yet even after answering him, Missha felt as if she was making excuses, so she quickly added on, “But…I think I would’ve given him the information. O-of course, it would’ve been random things that everyone already knows…!”
“Hmm…” Hearing Missha’s not-excuses, Bjorn let out a long breath and rubbed his chin. Thankfully, he didn’t seem too angry. He just nodded a few times to take in her answers before proceeding with the next question.
And then…
“Final question.”
Bjorn looked directly into Missha’s eyes as he asked, “Is there anything else you’re hiding from me?”
A general question that encompassed everything.
Nothing. She had answered everything honestly. That was what she needed to say, but for some reason, her mouth only opened and closed as no sound came out.
The feeling of their broken relationship slowly mending suddenly froze in its tracks.
A silence that was too heavy to be described as merely empty of sound settled between the two of them.
Bjorn only said two things.
“Right… So you do have something.”
He spoke as if he had already accepted this would be the case.
At that, Missha tried to say something but her words refused to come out.
That she didn’t have anything. That she had told him everything there was. That there wasn’t anything she was hiding from him. Even though she wanted to say all that, her mouth refused to speak.
Why was it? Was that item broken? Missha, who truly had nothing she hid from him, was utterly baffled, and yet…
Ah…
She finally came to a realization. Misplaced Trust was working as it should. It wasn’t broken, and it was operating as it always did even in this moment, which meant that there was only one reason she couldn’t say anything.
There was something she was hiding from him.
“Is it…”
In the suffocating silence, Bjorn spoke again.
“Is it…something you can’t tell me?”
She felt it instinctively. If she stayed quiet to this question, everything would come to an end.
“…I-I don’t have anything related to Baekho Lee I’m hiding from you.”
“Then?”
Looking at the eyes of Bjorn who was still holding onto some hope for her, Missha took a deep breath.
“Then you’re hiding something different from me?”
“Yeah…” Even as she nodded in a trance-like state, her mind flooded with hesitation.
Could she really say it to him?
While she wasn’t beside him, he had already filled his family with much better people. That, and there was the promise made to them. Maybe it would be better for Bjorn if she just disappeared here.
“…”
But her mouth moved as it wanted to.
As the lips that had refused to move no matter what slowly opened up, the truth she had held back with regret flooded out. “I lied to you in the past, Bjorn.”
Bjorn’s eyebrows flinched as he heard the word “lie.”
Thinking about it now, Bjorn had always been like this. He hated being lied to most of all, yet this was a situation where she needed to tell him what she was hiding.
This isn’t cheating.
She let go of the final thing holding her back and spoke. This was something she wanted to say to him on Farune Island as well. She wanted to kill the feeling for his sake, but worried about the death that soon may come his way, she revealed her heart to him.
“When I told you that it would be best if we just stayed as allies…”
Well, somehow, after all this time, she was able to tell him.
“That was a lie.”
Thinking it was too late was when it all started. They’d had this exchange then too.
“In hindsight…I don’t think I gave you an answer back then…”
At that, Missha raised her head to meet his eyes and enunciated each word carefully.
“Bjorn Yandel. I…like you too.”
She wasn’t able to tell him on the day she first confirmed his feelings because of her state of mind.
Bjorn didn’t say anything back.
However, she continued, “On the day you said those words to me. And the days before you said them. And…”
Even with her voice as quiet as an ant’s crawling, Missha spoke clearly to him.
“Even now…”
This was the one thing she had hidden from him.
***
There were some days when you got a weird feeling.
Even though the day was bright, it felt as if a storm cloud would appear out of nowhere and drench you with rain.
For Erwen, today was that day.
“Mister! Are you a…wake?”
She had excitedly run over early in the morning, but the room was empty.
From that moment on, Erwen felt an unexplainable sense of uneasiness. She went all over the building looking for him, but Bjorn wasn’t anywhere.
“The captain? Who knows… He didn’t tell me where he would be… Is he not inside the building?”
“…Really? I went looking in all the rooms, but I didn’t see him.”
“Hmm, then maybe he’s outside on some business…”
The navigator of Anabada, Auyen Rockrobe, comforted her and said it was probably nothing, but for some reason, Erwen’s mouth went dry as sand.
In truth, there was one room she hadn’t checked yet.
Missha Karlstein.
The reason Erwen didn’t check her room was that she simply didn’t think Bjorn would be in there. It also seemed like something had happened between the two recently. Missha herself had looked depressed and kept to her room, alone.
However, here was a curious question.
Step, step.
Even while thinking that there was no way Bjorn would be there, why was she moving toward Missha’s room?
She knew that it was more likely that he was outside on some business, just like what the navigator said. Why did she feel so uneasy, so worried that he might be there?
Step.
Even battered by negative emotions, Erwen reached her destination.
The room was located on the corner of the third floor of this grand building. The door was firmly shut.
When she thought to knock, she didn’t because she figured it would be awkward if he wasn’t in there.
I can’t sense any magic here.
There was no sound isolation magic or any barrier put up here. Meaning, if she wanted to, she could hear everything that was happening inside.
Erwen focused on her hearing that she kept intentionally dialed back in her day-today life, and then, she heard a familiar voice.
“Bjorn Yandel. I…like you too.”
She immediately realized whose voice it was, but she couldn’t understand what that woman was saying.
Just…what was she saying?
She focused more on her hearing to check if she had heard it wrong.
“On the day you said those words to me. And the days before you said them.
And…”
Her brain refused to process it.
Because it was a love confession, wasn’t it? Something she had never once in all her life been capable of saying.
Know your place…
It was unbelievable. It made her angry.
Wasn’t this the woman who disappeared instead of trying to avenge him when she heard that Mister had died? The innocent and kind Bjorn probably couldn’t get over his previous affection for her and was taking care of her, but Erwen had never forgotten.
“Bjorn Yandel. I…like you too.”
Yet the words continued to swirl in her mind.
Only then did Erwen realize something odd.
Too…?
That Red Cat beastwoman had definitely said “too.”
And “too” was used to reciprocate a sentiment previously declared.
Which meant…
…Mister said it first?
Maybe it was because it was all so unbelievable?
The fire in her mind suddenly went cold. And as the heat disappeared from her head, she could see the situation objectively.
For some reason, she couldn’t help but laugh.
This woman was stuck in her own delusions. She was hallucinating talking with Mister. As proof of this, after hearing those words, Erwen hadn’t heard anything else from the room.
Still…this is a little worrying.
It was a bizarre behavior that would be difficult for most to understand, but Erwen had done something similar when she was in a difficult place emotionally, so she could understand her.
Hah…so where has Mister gone to…?
With that, Erwen turned away, feeling as if she heard something not meant for her ears, and then lowered her heightened hearing back to its normal levels.
Or, well, she tried to.
“…I see.”
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