C134
Lately, Bianca rarely eats. It's because she feels extremely nauseous. From the beginning, she wasn't someone with a big appetite, so it didn't surprise her much. It was clear that it was due to the mental burden of the prolonged war.
However, since they were at war, Yvonne was worried if Bianca's physical strength would hold up.
"Madam, you need to eat a little to gain strength."
"It's enough. It will be worse if I eat more and then vomit."
Despite Yvonne's pitiful plea, Bianca firmly shook her head. She knows her body best. It was clear that she would feel nauseous as soon as she ate another spoonful.
Still, Johaseng's involvement relieved the burden of Gaspard's injury. She felt psychological relief just by having someone to trust in this situation. Perhaps the same happened to Gaspard, as his steps, going up and down the wall, did not falter.
Bianca stared at Johaseng's figure, who, along with Gaspard, was blocking Jacob's army on the wall. She didn't know that Johaseng's participation, which she wanted to avoid so much, would take place thanks to her, in her territory...
Still, Bianca was worried that Johaseng would die in the war. Not just because Johaseng was Bianca's guardian after Zachary's death.
Much has changed, and Bianca has learned a lot.
She could no longer speak lightly of Zachary's death, and her attempt to save Johaseng had no purpose. Simply because he is her dear older brother.
Not just Johaseng, Yvonne, Gaspard, Vincent... Whose death isn't she afraid of? Bianca feared all deaths.
Is Nicholas' life okay? The coachman who handles her horse? The maids she taught to weave lace? And the maids' husbands?
But if that's the case and she tells them to retreat in the front line to save them all, who will defend this territory?
Everyone fights for their own life and even for the lives of their loved ones. Despite Bianca being the one to blame for the war, they were giving their lives for her and the territory without even expressing it...
To repay them, Bianca, as the representative of the lord, took the lead for Zachary's honor.
Bianca realized the value of other people's lives and, at the same time, knew that there were moments when she had to risk her own life. Her life wasn't any different.
She has been desperately trying to stop the future, but look! In the end, Gautier died, and she was unexpectedly invaded. Nothing was going as she intended.
The future is like trying to hold sand in your hand.
Most of the future is beyond her control and flows through her fingers, and she can only hold a handful of things in her hands. Plus, there's no guarantee she can hold only the grains of sand she desires.
She is just a defenseless human. Just because she knew the future didn't make her a god, and her attempt to control the future caught her by the ankle.
Now she has realized that it's better to take a step forward than to ponder repeatedly on how to go the right way.
So all she had to do now was to fight desperately to survive the present.
----------
Jacob let out a curse when he saw Arno's persistent resistance. The strong wall showed no signs of breaking. He really didn't believe Bianca would come this far.
It was anger, not admiration, that surged within him.
What could be the reason Bianca is fighting like this? Belief in Zachary or rejection of Jacob? Either way, it was enough to go against his nerves.
"Alright. Let's see how far you'll go."
Jacob smiled and clenched his teeth. As he thought about breaking down the tall wall of Arno in front of him and holding her in his arms, a messenger called out to Jacob.
"Your Highness."
"What's happening?"
"Viscount Huegh has returned."
Jacob's complexion changed. He hardened his face and looked behind the messenger. In the distance from Jacob, Viscount Huegh awaited his call with an uncomfortable smile.
"Tell him to come."
As soon as Jacob's orders were given, the messenger brought Viscount Huegh. The viscount's cheeks were flushed, and the corners of his mouth twisted as if he couldn't contain his laughter.
"How did it go?"
The war cries devoured the space. Piercing screams, the clash of weapons, the sound of catapults launching rocks... The voice of Viscount Huegh was consumed by the commotion and faded away.
"...it's done."
The situation was so noisy and chaotic that he wondered if he could hear correctly, but Jacob heard Viscount Huegh's report clearly.
The lips of Jacob twisted and strangely lifted.
This was the news he had been waiting for.
-------
Jacob's messenger arrived at Arno Castle.
There was no way he would suggest a ceasefire... Bianca squinted her eyes, wondering what the hell he could be plotting.
The messenger handed the letter to Bianca with a stiff attitude. Bianca frowned as if the letter was dirty. Reluctant even to touch the letter, she nodded to Yvonne. The resourceful Yvonne quickly moved and opened the seal of the letter in her place.
Yvonne opened it so that Bianca could see the contents of the letter. Bianca raised her head and looked down to read the letter.
[Dear Bianca, how are you handling the war? It pains my heart to think that your beauty withers day by day due to this devastating war. You are so stubborn. As soon as I have you in my arms, you won't have to worry about when the arrows will fall in the middle of the night.]
The entire text was an insignificant greeting. Did he send a messenger to talk about this? The space between Bianca's eyebrows deepened.
Should she keep reading this? But usually, the important part in a letter is always at the bottom. Bianca's gaze quickly scanned the letter. The pointless story dragged on for a long time.
"All the promises I made to you are sincere. But even if I convince you with these sweet words, you won't easily give in. Are you doing this out of loyalty to Count Arno? But don't worry."
Bianca's heart started beating forcefully. It felt like falling from the sky in one blow. The tips of Bianca's fingers inside her glove turned cold. She felt stiff, as if she had been frozen.
Bianca's anxiety was exposed. Her face suddenly changed, and Yvonne looked at her with a worried expression.
Bianca quickly snatched the letter from Yvonne's hand. The letter was crumpled from how tightly she held it. It was a clearly different attitude from before when she didn't even want to hold it with her fingertips.
Bianca rapidly read the letter, paying no attention.
"I received a message from my side. It was the obituary of Count Arno."
What?
Bianca's eyes trembled. She couldn't easily believe what she had seen. Bianca pondered the word "obituary" over and over again. Perhaps there was another meaning of that word she didn't know. However, Jacob's subsequent statement shattered even her hopes.
[Since the count is dead, you also need a man to entrust your family and body to. You still don't have children, and your age is excellent.
After all, the Blanchefort family will use you for business. So why not marry me, given that I love you and come from noble blood? I will truly make you the noblest woman in the world.
If you marry me, it will be good for your family, the Blanchefort family, so please think positively. My arms are always open for you.
So, I pray for the repose of Count Arno.]
The letter ended with Jacob's signature. Even after reading the entire letter, Bianca stood there for a long time, as if nailed in place. Bianca's focus faded, and the letters of the letter disappeared as if scattered in water, but the traces remained in her mind.
Is Zachary dead? Really? No, that's a lie. All of this is Jacob's trap to shake her...
Her head felt numb. She didn't want to think. All of this seemed like a terrible nightmare.
It's a lie...
Bianca, who had lost even the will to control her body, staggered. And like a puppet with its strings cut, she fell to the ground without resistance.
---------
Just before Bianca collapsed onto the cold stone floor, Yvonne, who was closer to her, caught her.
Yvonne shouted at Bianca in disbelief.
"Madam, wake up! Madam!"
"What's in the letter...?"
As Yvonne held Bianca up, Vincent snatched Jacob's letter from Bianca's hand. Vincent's face while reading the letter mirrored Bianca's, but when he finally read Zachary's obituary, his face turned blank as if he had been hit on the back of the head with a hammer.
"Lies..."
Bianca's consciousness faded as she collapsed. It was like being alone in a fog-covered forest. The voice she heard in her ear grew distant, but the conversation with Zachary, resonating in her head, was extremely clear.
"You're still crying."
His hand that touched her face was still vivid. Raw but gentle, as if touching the most precious pearl in the world... That touch she would never feel again.
"You always cried when you saw me."
That's right, Zachary.
I always cried in front of you. Because you accepted it, because you were there.
But tears that have no one to accept them will simply dry up.
I no longer know how to cry...
Bianca's cheeks were dry. The burning snow was like a field where the winter wind blew. Rather, if it had burned in flames, would there have been ashes left? The hard, icy ground took away even her will to move forward.
Numerous regrets passed through Bianca's mind.
She shouldn't have let him go to war. She should have confessed to Zachary as soon as he woke up from his slumber. Let go of her pride. What good is pride...?
Having lived a life full of regrets once, she promised herself not to do anything to regret this time. But in the end, even this life was a series of regrets.
Bianca remembered the efforts she had made to prevent Zachary's death. But it was all in vain. After all, Zachary died.
Bianca realized she was like a butterfly, unable to escape from a glass bottle no matter how hard she flapped her wings.
A bird in a cage called destiny.
God had chosen her, but she wasn't strong enough to defy fate. Her wings were weak enough to be torn apart by strong winds, and in the end, she only kept struggling senselessly.
"You said you would defend yourself thoroughly. You said you wouldn't die... you said you couldn't die... liar..."
Bianca blamed Zachary with senseless resentment. But even that was shameful. Bianca gasped for the absence of Zachary, which seeped even deeper.
Why aren't you here? Why am I like this?
She felt as if she were drowning in unbearable pain, frustration, and helplessness. She fought and tried to move forward, but instead, she simply sank into the ground as if she had lead hanging from her body.
Curiously, Bianca, unable to control herself, faintly lost consciousness. In an endless dream, akin to an abyss, where one could escape from the hellish reality.
-----------
Bianca was suffering from a fever. She was sweating profusely from the high temperature. She tossed and turned in pain all night, but she was more than content with that pain. She couldn't think of anything while her body ached, so at least her mind was calm.
Amidst it all, there were moments when she woke up. It was midnight when Bianca fully awakened. The noise in her ears made her realize she was still at war.
She was alone in the room. Bianca, lying in bed, wanted to get up.
However, her body felt so heavy that she couldn't even move a finger. Her joints ached.
Bianca stared at the ceiling. The ceiling of her room, which she had seen for ten years, today didn't feel familiar to her. Moonlight flooded Bianca's room. Her white skin was tinged pale in the moonlight.
As soon as reason surfaced, countless waves of emotion crashed upon Bianca like a tsunami. Bianca still couldn't believe it. Zachary is dead... I can't be a Saint. What did I do wrong for him to die? What else should I have done?
Bianca pondered over and over again what she had done.
She tried so hard, but in the end, she couldn't save Zachary from Jacob's beast. The Paladins and her relationship with the royal family were futile.
A lethargic helplessness enveloped her.
"Now... What do I have to do?"
Bianca pondered without understanding, looking at the ceiling. Although Jacob had promised her safety, he had no intention of obeying her. She didn't even consider it in the first place. If she could strike him once, she thought she could sell her soul to the devil.
Unlike the future she had seen, there is now no justification for her to be thrown out of the de Arno estate. Vincent, the butler, has no intention of betraying her and is aware of Zachary's will.
Her father and Johaseng are still alive, and she is also close to Princess Odelli. She also has a friend, Catherine, who has opened up to her a bit, so even if she is expelled from the Arno family, she won't have to live a miserable life in a cold monastery like she used to...
Bianca struggled to think positively. However, she continued to think about the lost future with Zachary.
It would have been a happy life raising their children together with Zachary. When was it? In the future she imagined, Zachary was always with her.
"Hahaha..."
Bianca laughed. The burst of laughter was closer to dry sobbing than laughter. Her laughter soon turned into a heartbreaking sound. Bianca clenched her teeth and suppressed the urge to scream.
"I'm tired now. I want to let go of everything. The future or whatever, it doesn't mean anything..."
But she still had work to do. Bianca's slender fingers held the blanket. As if she had made a decision.
The war still continued, and now that Zachary is dead, Jacob will not give up in the war.
It will be a long and tedious war. But Bianca had to fight, and she had to win. After enduring and persevering like that, she had to hold Zachary's funeral.
It was the duty of the lord's wife to celebrate the lord's funeral. Without her, Zachary's body would be buried alone in a corner of Castile without a proper funeral.
Alone, without even a monument to praise his brave accomplishments...
In the dream she saw, Zachary died, and what happened? Vincent or one of the three commanders must have somehow recovered the body.
It was then that Bianca realized that she didn't even know where Zachary's body was buried in the past. In the past, she was such a cruel and indifferent woman.
This life cannot be like that either. She really couldn't look Zachary in the face after his death. Bianca bit her lip. Her cracked lips parted, and the blood stained her white teeth red.
"You have always been my wife, Bianca. The only person I could love was you, and the only person I loved is you. If I don't love you, no one should know what love is."
"I too, Zachary... I have always been your wife. That won't change in the future."
Bianca smiled faintly and murmured to herself. Her pale green eyes had lost their vitality and seemed lifeless, but they shimmered as if making their final effort.
This time she won't be ashamed of herself. She will act with dignity and pride...
Then, when she is done with her final mission and duty, when she is done with everything...
Bianca smiled.
In this life, she tried to manage the marital business correctly.
Not only would she not allow herself to be expelled, but she thought of remarrying, taking her dowry even after his death. Or giving birth to an heir worthy of the de Arno family and enjoying all her rights.
Instead of having a miserable and sad ending like before, she wanted to live selfishly and luxuriously...
But she didn't know that she would fall in love with him so deeply. To the extent that she wanted to let go of everything that was still in her hands, everything she had worked so hard for.
Ah. The marital business of this life was completely ruined.
Bianca laughed at herself. It was a faint smile, as if she could fly towards Zachary at any moment.
Tags:
TWB (Novel)