C117
"Are you here?"
"Hmm."
Before Bianca turned around, Zachary closed his mouth again. It was quite amusing that he had gathered courage for nothing. Like they had been glued with honey, their lips stuck together and didn't open. Zachary stood upright in place, constantly squeezing and opening his clenched fists for no reason.
Bianca, who looked at Zachary near the window, quickly averted her eyes from the window when Zachary fell silent. Even though they were in the same space, it felt as if she was far away in some other place... Bianca, whom Zachary was looking at, seemed like a figure in a painting, not herself.
Zachary, anxious about Bianca's attitude, quickly opened his mouth.
"The weather is very cold. Don't stay by the window, come here."
"It's still fine."
Bianca responded sarcastically. Summer hadn't ended yet, so it wasn't too cold even at night. Zachary's lips, not expecting such a reaction, closed tightly. Even if the army was on the defensive in the war, he wouldn't have felt so impatient. Zachary's black eyes fluttered with impatience.
Zachary smiled and approached Bianca. But is it due to his nervousness? His face was too serious. The voice he tried to make sound friendly was too uncomfortable.
"Is there something interesting at the window?"
"It's not that, but... Sorry. I've been very absent-minded lately. I think it's homesickness. I can't wait to return to the Arno territory."
Bianca's voice was unpretentious and calm. Her tone was impeccable and casual, but on the contrary, it wasn't easy to get the words he wanted.
Swallowing saliva in his burning throat, Zachary gathered the courage to speak again.
"It seems like you've been thinking a lot these days."
"Have I?"
"Hmm."
When Bianca asked a question, Zachary groaned again. One step forward, one step back. It would only be a matter of time before supplies ran out even on the front lines at this rate. It would be better to run out of supplies, but it was Zachary's mental power that faltered at this moment.
Bianca, unaware of Zachary's intentions, smiled faintly.
"It's nothing. Just..."
Zachary waited patiently. It would be a big problem if Bianca's words were swallowed by his voice, even if Bianca kept her mouth shut again.
Zachary silently waited for Bianca to say a word. After a while, Bianca's lips slowly opened.
"I'm worried about the war with Aragon. Are you going to fight again?"
"...yes."
"Yes... If you don't go to war, Sevran is at stake."
Bianca's pale green eyes were dull. He could sense a feeling of distance, as if she hadn't even expected otherwise in the first place.
He heard the response, but on the contrary, Zachary became even more confused. Yes, he will participate in the war with Aragon? Bianca's question was abrupt. It was also because Zachary and war were inseparable. Before marrying Bianca, and even after getting married...
But why suddenly?
"What the hell did you talk about with the Archbishop?"
The words reached the end of Zachary's throat. But he couldn't say it out loud. It was because he was more afraid than curious about the conversation between her and the Archbishop.
When Bianca met with the Archbishop and asked about miracles, Zachary speculated that there might be something Bianca desperately desired enough to wait for a miracle. It was a poor thought, but logically plausible.
However, what was so difficult that she could only rely on a miracle? Bianca never hesitated to ask for what she wanted. If there was something she wanted, she always said it outright.
Something she didn't ask Zachary to do. A miracle she wanted from God... That was what Zachary couldn't do, and that was what Zachary feared.
Zachary has always tried to give Bianca everything she wants. At the beginning of their marriage, when he was a baron, he worried that Bianca couldn't obtain the items she desired.
Even so, after ascending to the rank of Count, he could fulfill almost all of Bianca's requests. Jewelry, spices, fabric, furs she wants... Though he didn't show it outwardly, how proud he was on the inside!
To that extent, it was embarrassing and vexing to admit that there was something he couldn't do for Bianca.
Could Bianca's encounter with the Archbishop have something to do with his participation in the battle?
That's what he felt from Bianca's implicit words. Zachary's reasoning was almost instinctive. But it wasn't far from reality.
If Bianca wanted to prevent Zachary from participating in the battle, Zachary could never do it.
It wasn't due to his loyalty to Sevran. That didn't matter much. More importantly, Bianca would have fewer things as the rewards that would have come with winning the war would disappear. It was the most important thing to him even if it wasn't a chivalrous thought.
Bianca's slim, white fingers easily froze, so she had to be well wrapped in winter, and the fur around her shoulders had to be a luxurious item that suited her soft skin. Considering how she trembled in the winter cold and how she froze, Zachary would go to the battlefield over a hundred times.
That's why Zachary couldn't delve any further. Because he didn't want to admit that there were things he could never hear. Even if Bianca asked him not to go to war, it was pathetic that he couldn't say that he wouldn't go to war.
However, the funny thing was that while he was afraid to face the hidden truth, he felt very anxious about the fact that Bianca was hiding something from him. Zachary, who couldn't get a definitive answer or let it pass, could only ask implicitly.
"What bothers you so much? If there's something I can do to reassure you, I'll do what I can."
The titles "hero of Sevran," "the knight of iron blood," and "the black wolf of the battlefield" were ridiculously brave and helpless, making him look pathetic. Zachary forced the corners of his lips upward and smiled, pretending to be relaxed.
There was no way Bianca didn't know what Zachary was referring to. Anyone could see that she had been different from usual after returning from the church.
However, she couldn't reveal the situation to Zachary. She had neither the confidence nor the face. Even though it was a dream, not the past, it was still vivid to see what selfish thoughts possessed Bianca and how she distanced herself from Zachary. But now that she's a saint, should she be condescending and tell Zachary what to do? She couldn't be so inconsiderate.
"It's alright. Let's just return to Arno."
Bianca smiled awkwardly, ignoring Zachary's question. She needed to return to Arno as soon as possible, and by the time Zachary learns of the proclamation of a Saint, her nervousness will fade away and her disturbed mind will calm down.
Bianca turned around and smiled brightly as if nothing had happened. But Bianca knew, and Zachary knew, that there was only a handful of sincerity in that smile.
-------
Even after going to church together, Catherine often visited Bianca. The continuous thoughts weighed her down when she was alone, so Bianca was glad for Catherine's visits.
The stories they talked about weren't very interesting. A frequent topic of conversation was mainly about Bianca's health. Catherine said that Princess Odelli was also very concerned, but she mentioned that being a princess, she couldn't easily move around, so she couldn't visit Bianca frequently.
Catherine wasn't a good conversationalist or funny, but her conversation was calm, and there was nothing to take offense at. It was nice to spend time talking softly.
After a while, preparations were completed to return to the estate. Perhaps it was thanks to Bianca telling Zachary that she wanted to return earlier than expected.
The farewell was predestined, but that didn't make it any less sad. The Blanchefort family deliberately refused to come out to bid her farewell. It was because they didn't want to show that they were saddened by parting from the girl they hadn't seen in a long time. Catherine was the only one who came to bid farewell to Bianca.
Catherine shook Bianca's hand with both hands and sighed.
"Bianca, call me often when you return to the estate."
"I will, Catherine. I'll be waiting for you."
Meanwhile, the two had developed a close enough relationship to call each other by their names. Although it was a short period of time, they grew closer just by being friends of the same age.
"Bianca."
In the distance, Zachary on horseback called out to Bianca. It was time to depart.
"I really have to go. So, Catherine, stay healthy."
"Bianca, I hope you always stay healthy too. Don't overexert yourself."
A look of concern shone in Catherine's eyes. Bianca, who had felt embarrassed because it seemed like she had only shown her weaknesses up until now, smiled slightly and boarded the carriage, leaning on Yvonne's hand.
As Bianca was fully inside the carriage, Zachary raised his hand and gave instructions. At Zachary's gesture, the members of the Arno estate began to move in unison.
As the carriage started moving, Catherine waved her hand to bid farewell to Bianca. Bianca also waved to Catherine through the carriage window. She continued to do so even as the carriage made a sharp turn and left the castle.
------
When Catherine was out of sight, Bianca sighed deeply and tried to move away from the window. In that moment, she caught sight of a man who resembled Jacob. He was so far away that he could barely be distinguished, with something akin to shimmering blond hair. Bianca looked at him, squinting her eyes to see better, but the focus faded due to the carriage's movement.
While Bianca continued to gaze out the window, Yvonne, who was tidying up, said to her,
"It will be windy now, madam. I've added a cushion. Lean this way."
"Yes, thank you, Yvonne."
I must have seen it wrong. Bianca murmured as she moved away from the window.
How long had she been grinding her teeth and trembling because of Jacob? It's like a nightmare...
Even if Jacob were truly there, it wouldn't make any difference. On the contrary, she might despise him even more. Disgusted, she wanted to tell him that if he was thinking of burning firewood while Bianca returned to the Arno estate, for fear of extinguishing the fire in his anger, then he was doing the right thing.
Wait, I will never let you flow into the future you desire.
Bianca's thin lips tightened, and her shining eyes stared fixedly at Lahoz Castle, gradually receding. The setting sun cast its light on the pure white building, bathing it in crimson, as if it were fiery water.
----
Once again, she would sleep in the open air.
Originally, they were supposed to depart in the morning, reach the next town, and spend the night there, but they couldn't help it because the departure time was delayed due to the king holding back Zachary.
She was familiar with it since she had experienced homelessness several times. Although it happened several months ago, before coming to the capital.
Bianca leaned against the window and watched them prepare to sleep.
Zachary approached her while slowly scanning the people around to see if any wild beasts appeared.
The gaze inside Bianca and him standing outside the carriage were very similar. It was mainly towards the bed where their eyes met. Bianca's ears turned red, and without realizing it, she straightened her back and leaned back.
"Why did he come suddenly? Maybe... he wants to propose sleeping beside me in the carriage tonight...?"
Her heart was beating strongly. She was so excited that she worried she wouldn't be able to control her trembling heart.
The carriage was wide enough for both Zachary and Bianca to lie down, but not so much that they couldn't sense each other's presence. Just enough distance to hear each other's breathing. There was no problem because they were already a couple and knew each other's body temperature.
Zachary calmly asked, as if unaware of Bianca's heartbeat,
"Bianca, is there anything you lack or need?"
"No."
"Call me if you need anything. I'll prepare it immediately."
After saying that, Zachary turned around. His attitude hadn't changed much since they set off for Lahoz. The feeling of being too absorbed quickly dissipated.
Disappointed, Bianca slightly pursed her lips.
"My heart trembles with each of his actions... But he doesn't seem as impatient as I am."
Since the first night, they have encountered each other several times, and the number of small contacts has surprisingly increased. He also showed no reluctance to enter her room. Many things seemed to have changed during their stay in Lahoz, but when faced with this, it seems that nothing has changed at all.
"Now... it's fine to sleep together in the carriage."
Bianca shook her head at the jumbled thoughts in her head.
"No, it's just that I'm being sensitive... Because he is stubborn and inflexible. When we were heading to the capital, he said we wouldn't sleep together in the carriage, so maybe he doesn't want to sleep with me now. So... if I propose it again..."
At that moment, Zachary's face, who had said, "I will never sleep in this carriage," came to her mind. In the end, Bianca couldn't convince him, with that tough and smooth face that seemed like it couldn't even be pierced by a needle...
Bianca screamed inwardly. It's his misunderstanding that nothing has changed. In fact, if she examines everything, she can see that a lot has changed since then. Bianca held onto her skirt. Clenching her fists as she brainwashed herself, she gathered her courage and called out to Zachary.
"Honey."
"What's the matter, Bianca?"
Zachary, who had walked away with large strides, quickly returned as soon as Bianca called. Bianca was surprised at how fast the transition was.
Bianca took a deep breath. And, being careful not to let her voice tremble, she asked slowly.
"Where are you going to sleep tonight?"
"Of course..."
Zachary, who was about to say "outside," closed his mouth. For some reason, he felt like he shouldn't answer that. There was a brief silence. Without waiting for Zachary's response, Bianca proposed first. It was urgent, as if it was better to make an offer first.
"Now, can't you sleep in the carriage?"
"...Don't provoke me."
Zachary responded sternly. His soft voice seemed threatening, but Bianca could now tell if he was angry or not. His lips were sealed as if he was choosing a word while contemplating how to respond.
Bianca's eyes grew cloudy.
Zachary was clearly embarrassed.
But it's too early to let that go. The fact that Zachary wasn't angry doesn't mean he accepted Bianca's offer.
This may just not be enough. Bianca shrugged and gently wrapped her arms around her forearms. It was far from being cold because summer hadn't ended yet, but Bianca was stubborn.
"It's just... it might get cold at night."
"..."
Zachary's tightly sealed mouth barely moved. Bianca, fearing that Zachary would refuse, also closed her mouth. Her face was flushed, and she pretended to be relaxed, but her heart was beating surprisingly fast.
How long did the silence last?
Zachary spoke quickly.
"You go to sleep first."
What was the purpose of those words? Analyzing the front and back, the fact that he would join her seemed implied, but Bianca, who couldn't be sure, looked at Zachary.
Zachary's words were so resolute that she couldn't even ask if he would really come. Because it would seem too persistent. Instead, Bianca revealed how she had taken his words.
"I'll wait."
Zachary didn't deny it. Instead, he let out a deep sigh and turned to his subordinates without saying a word. When he turned around, his ears were slightly red.
Zachary was a man who cut off any persistent feeling he disliked as sharply as a knife. The fact that Zachary remained silent was like telling Bianca that he would come to her.
So Bianca smiled widely with relief and joy. It was a smile like a bright spring flower, to the point where it was a pity that Zachary couldn't see it.
----
Zachary was startled by Bianca's sudden offer to sleep together.
If it were up to him, he would have rejected it without any consideration. Late at night. With their bodies in close proximity. It was very difficult for him to maintain his reason by her side.
Bianca's body was like alcohol. It accepts a reckless challenge by saying that it can control his reason, but the more he drinks, the more he realizes that it's an illusion. It's too late to leave knowing that it's dangerous. His fallen body would helplessly entangle itself around her.
Of course, if the place they were staying was a plausible inn, he would have accepted her offer without any measure. But now, this place is in a forest, inside a carriage. Alone with her in a cramped space lined with a few pieces of wood... Zachary swallowed hard. His throat was dry.
He should have refused, of course, but considering Bianca's recent state, he couldn't do it easily. She was different from usual, she had been drowning in thoughts for a while.
He was greatly surprised when she appeared in the same clothes she had worn three days ago since she always keeps her attire clean and wears different outfits every day.
But this was something she asked for after a long time. In the end, Zachary agreed, and the burden on his shoulders became even heavier.
In the distance, he could see Sauveur and Robert, who seemed to be busy preparing their beds. Zachary approached the vassals who were getting ready to sleep and said.
"...Don't prepare my bed."
"What?"
Sauveur's eyes widened. First of all, he hadn't planned on sleeping with Bianca, but Zachary's pride was hurt when he saw Sauveur jumping in front of his eyes.
Is it so surprisingly strange for a couple to sleep together? Zachary, who made a disapproving face, asked back without hiding his displeasure, furrowing his brow.
"Is there a problem?"
"No. Originally, I didn't prepare the Count's bed..."
"What?"
Tags:
TWB (Novel)